Many fuck me anymore.
Too much.
I think it's time for change in my life.
From here last night.
All were born with a song.
In the song ill my soul.
Doing it all night until dawn ....
After tonight nothing is the same.
Designed cigarette close to his lips. Her body is smooth, drink and smoke penetrates into my lungs. I feel how my head is zamayva. As in light trans am.
The clock on the wall irreversibly otbroyava seconds expiry my life and I sit, immersed in the dusk terrible silence of the room. Ashes from burning cigarette fell on the floor, but not budge. Why is that? To stooped to collect? And without this zatapcha can in the carpet and the next day to izsmucha a vacuum cleaner.
Looking out my ree rainwater during diaper. Drops call on all staklata and razmazvat. I wonder if I forgot kafevarkata included. I do not drink coffee, but in practice you do. Presented his lisp how foam comes out and poured out of talazi on nagoreshtenata plate of oven and everything nabiva with the smell of roasted coffee. Whether smolder coals upon?
Komshiite that day so you zapaliha apartment. Their small daughter played a "mothers and children" and decided to gain a subsidiary of the oven with reotani because you could find Toaster Oven, but forgot them and they became coal veil is ... ... Half-handled kitchen burn them.
Rain is out of effort. Once again pull on a cigarette. I do not go to check whether the coffee kipi. I do not smell of burning, so there is still time. Sash but I was very awkward, but not budge his head. Repeat you must learn to get used to pain. As did two days ago when priskripah his finger on the window frame. I came to shout. I have not izdadoh no sound. My fingers blue and a few days it fell nail.
But my cigarette burn completely. In my fingers burning cigarette butt sticks out now. I do not know how some people like to smell of stapyasht to snipe - the smell was disgusting.
I wonder how many long I could bear what is happening around me? I feel empty. How to fill?
Burning cigarette butt more money my fingers. Reduce smoke from watery eyes to them. How I long I could keep burning coal in your fingers and to repeat that it hurts? To believe that it hurts ...
Deafening sound of tearing out sky is interrupted my mind. Again, look out the window. Rampage outside element zavihrya think my cold my impulse. You lie nose, or really sense the smell of bubble over coffee? So though I am not deceived - I am not excluded kafevarkata. Maybe now gurgle preliva and foam blob, hissing as thick plate.
Izgoreliya snipe from the ashes fall on the carpet, but not budge. Why is that? I can tomorrow to gather a vacuum cleaner. If there tomorrow ...
Unfold wide window. Yarostno rain starts fucking my face like needles. Shut your eyes to not feel pain. In my ears prokantyava serious thunder. Shudder, prick all. I love this element. I wish to fields with the sound of heaven chupeshtoto are those flashes.Until my nose reached the smell of smoke. Well. , I presented the first flames lizvat plastic hardware locker over a kitchen stove and laughing. How much material we all ....
I soaked all, the rain continued to slash at me and wet carpet in the room. I do not need cigarettes.
Turn and ustremyavam out. Further than the walls that surround me. My heart beat of crazy spirit. Netarpeliva and excited I am. Bounce out, leaving the smell of smoke and coffee goryashto behind and burst into rain. Tezhestta the drops as it doubled in that moment. But I is not impressive. And run. Faster. Faster. And I bathe in the rain. Tired. Happy. To become a charcoal. And forget the pain.
Since that night I was very emotional ....
Turn to all girls who experience bodyashtoto edge of love.
Dear, be careful who you daryavate heart ... And when I give anybody, it daryavayte all. There are people who will not hesitate to trample him of stupidity or ignorance of what to do with it.
My sand towers are izravniha recently with the ground. Judge for yourself ...
************************************************** ***************
B.: Tell me now Burgas 
me: what were you just a few crazy nights
B.:
B.: Really?
B.: Very cool
me: yeah
me:
me: but I was very lonely without your attention
B.: Sorry, sweet
me: you should definitely been very busy for me to send at least one CMC over the past 5 days
B.: But you and I ever wrote
me: how can you write, knowing that in Burgas not how you write?
B.: Am very confused lately (only recently that?!?)
me: all about desire, to
me: I want to tell you something
me: No need to feel more confused
B.: What kind?
me: they Osvobozhdavam of its presence
B.: Sweet, what are you talking about
B.: M?
B.: Sweet, tell me, will not be mad
me: Well, it recently from a few months here is ridiculous semblance of respect with which I have no intention to meet. Nothing is as people Neither his attention - attention, nor his story - a story. No finesse it. He is not communicating ... I suppose you feel the same way?
B.: Yes, nice
me: You know that things can not be forced.
B.: Very nice I say this really a (what is good? You scoot that millstone?)
me: I suggest you stop these relations
B.: Very nice,
B.: Sound play
me: why?
B.: Well I do not know
B.: And not say anything
me: in the same way as you can so easily and I can get their hands on our relationship, B. and I do not see why not you think normal?
B.: There is someone there for you? will not be mad if you say
me: what difference does it answer? You anyway not care what happens around me
me: Have someone with you?
B.: No
B.: And it is not true that they are not interested (really ...)
B.: I do not want to be lonely, sweet (but without you, right? Oh, how nice of you worried!)
B.: Indeed
me: I have another I have to myself, to open their eyes and imenno then to know that things are not running
B.: Not nice, tell me really, I will be more easy for you (yeah? And how long they switched direction of the wind ...)
B.: Indeed
me: ogorchih of men in her life, so I do not think to look at a man a long time
me: why would you be quiet? Otherwise we are not concerned about me?
B.: I do not want to be alone, sweet (but with who? Anyone except you, right?)
me: Why only now are you worried?
me: you have no idea how I am hurt by all
B.: (Hug)
me: sazhlyavam and how it failed to appreciate what you doing for years and nearly 5 months
me: Why only now are you worried?
B.: I was always worried (well, not a man believed ..)
B.: Sorry, if not stick
me: please, not podigravy this to me. If not tell .... What does this mean? You want to make me happy? I did everything I needed?
me: that you prolichi?
me: apparently not
B.: Sorry that I could, sweet (not because you wanted?)
B.: Not mad at me
B.: I do not want to be mad at each other
me: you never really mad.
me: Neither I be mad now
me: N and you will be mad in the future
me: I just poumneesh and become more mature
B.: Good
me: speak to me and you right, and now we will lead again as nightly monologue in which you write
me: speak to me as I too
B.: Sweet, really sorry that I am not with you
B.: And I can not give you attention, what you need (because they do not want!)
me: tell me how you feel, what do you think your opinion ... do not be afraid to go izkazhesh
me: no longer need to be afraid !!!!!
B.: I think you should not be alone (repeating ...)
B.: For the time you were alone (yeah? Even with you? Ah, insight!)
B.: And indeed you need someone next to you (perhaps you want, for example?)
me: yes, time was alone, although I had a man to himself
me: But if people know how this lack will not notice
me: even remotely
B.: And I miss the same kind
me: You know, I need nobody to me. I do not need someone who only word to describe me and my feelings and show concern
me: but I think this guy for a long time will be met
me: and no longer look to him!
me: speak to me, B. please!
me: give me a response
B.: I confused you, nice
me: at least tonight
B.: But it is better for both, I know (mne more easy!)
me: what you confused?
me: What are you confused?
B.: And you can be friends (and therefore it is ordered, right? What happened to love?)
B.: Then everything will be fine (well, how did so decides ...)
B.: What is generally confused (eee, admitted his at last!)
me: What are you confused? Now cut that shit with friends
B.: No, D., Talk seriously about
B.: Not just a cliche
B.: Many want to be friends (but only so much, right? Did you tell him?)
B.: Even if we are not together
me: I had not noticed that cliche
B.: Because I do not want to be unhappy (will be because it happens)
me: yeah you think your friendship will it be more valuable than your love?
B.: Not nice
me: I do not looking at you and your friends know very well
B.: But do not want to drive or do not know that
me: I do not know that
B.: Please, Mr. blame is me
me: you doing it?
B.: No
me: then why talk show?
me: I did not put your mask with you
B.: In principle
me: if you hide ...
B.: I say that I do not want this to happen
me: or are you doing okay ...
me: but this is your choice
B.: Talk about vbadeshte
me: Oh what, I am not and will not hide from you, not to do that, you know, since enough respect yourself and the person in front of me
me: With azhalyavam all missed chances, all unintelligible words, all nepodareni favors, attention, tenderness and love. Not everything, incomplete, unreadable. I wish I had the chance. But it is more than evident that there is no sense.
B.: Sweet, should not regret (maybe you do not want your conscience be guzna? There for what?)
B.: Not just how things can be obtained (by you, since you stopped you love me?)
me: I was, I regret because the bottom of my soul longs to give and receive the same, but not
B.: But will always have a wonderful memory for you
me: and why you think you will not receive?
me: What makes you so convinced?
me: and so far
B.: Not up to us, do not you see (well, but from one to depend ?!?!)
me: Yes, You are the one who holds the ribbons of his own life if you do not manage it, no one else inertnostta flow and are detrimental to you
me: so everything goes to hell
me: as go to hell and our relationship
B.: Gushni me kind (hug)
B.: I do not want to be sad (yes, and everything becomes pink with a click of fingers!)
me: I am not sure I want to hug now
me: because pregradkata you put things that you not to answer
me: I am not sad. Just do balance
me: Sorry I could not appreciate and understand what I did and for you
me: I am sorry
me: I hope at least the following z Otto girl proumeesh how to make happy
B.: Sorry, sweet
B.: Not mad at me
me: how could you not know that I am OVER sulks
me: sulks for liglyovtsi
me: pet young children
B.: Well, and to call
B.: Never mind
B.: I do not want to blame me, sweet
B.: I did everything possible
me: do not blame you just want to know what to do next in their relationship (and no, no you do everything possible!)
B.: OK, nice
B.: Sorry for everything
me: tell me how you feel, just agree with me
B.: What can I say nice?
B.: You make mistakes
me: everything you think
me: Be honest
B.: But I speak of this
B.: D., Let us leave things as
me: okay, I will weigh you that my left things nedoizkazani
B.: D., We talked about vche
B.: There is a moment in which you makes me very sad (me because you do not, right? and much more ..)
B.: But I do not want to talk about it
me: okay, I do not want to get boring for you, I was far enough
B.: It does not matter
B.: And soon will not know about them (It's easy to forget, right?)
me: Do you feel better?
B.: Are you boring
B.: Well I do not know
B.: I think not
me: weird, I feel like a burden to you
B.: Not so
B.: I will stand
B.: I will talk, sweet
me: when?
B.: Gushkam them and they tsunkam (though nothing had happened?)
me: when will he have time for me
B.: I do not know what tomorrow example
me: (doh)
me: okay
me: then I will talk tomorrow
B.: Please do not be sad
me: no, I am not
me: I told you what I think
B.: Good (hug)
B.: Then I will not be
me: to me at least I feel better that things are clarified
B.: To me, sweet
B.: But I know that many hold you (so what if everything went to hell ?!?!)
B.:
me: nice? Is it appropriate to use it now?
B.: Well I do not know
me:
me: must teach
B.: Good 
B.: (Hug)
B.: Come to nagusha (so you do not know, beware!)
me: Are you sad?
B.: Not now (shtot lighten your neck, right?)
B.: You (... guilty ...)
me: blank, but somehow I know the pain that will quiet down ... (n is able to samonakazvam so!) After something has to be filled as I did before.
me: I was unhappy
B.: Do not be unhappy, please
me: I am currently
B.: It is very nice (Why do not you weigh a conscience?)
me: I can just more
me: I do not think that was too long?
B.: No, I was thinking positive things itelni g (... and how you ...)
B.: Both were
me: You is not difficult you go? (how I run so easily?)
B.: Is difficult
B.: But I know that so will not hurt each other
B.: And you keep good feelings
B.: It is very important, D. (Now you will teach me what is important!)
me: I do not feel that anything bad to you
me: I never
me: and not to try
B.: I will
B.: Promise (.. like you hate me so far?)
me: a hero. .. huge Sorry t o about what was and will never be
B.:
B.: Do not think about it, D.
B.: I want to be happy (how, by not thinking about me ...)
B.: I think to retire, D.
me: Good night.
B.: Get you to sleep
B.: Tomorrow will be better (I think? are blessed ignorance ...)
me: haha, I told you I was working, you still listen with one ear
me: oh, I 'm glad this is over!
me: no longer to grieve
me: to
B.: Not us, D.: *
me: not our B.
************************************************** **************************
T ouch both May and broke not understand my words .... and the more she writes, the more irritating ex only by his words because ... I ma v expectations or tayah a little hope that he will tell me something they want to hear it h, something meaningful, not just "sweet love you Not me mad ...
M Og just say, h is as tough to kazh a thousand to something that man if he truly loved meters .. I would write something different and not just the quality zva ... sweet, sweet.
Sorry ... Sorry that I met you ... I really ...
Blah-n-n-n .... Like that sounds in my head when tupna. Blank is also like my grandmother Chest. Mother always replace me that there fly flies or that my ears are connected with string, which, if cut, will fall. Yet that is really empty? As I was in 10th grade biology we learned systems in the human body and it says that the pan is the most vital human organ - the brain. So nice right, and if my head has brains, what a fiddle, my ring like it is blank?
I notice when unseal cabinet of garedroba and each time the door hit me, like I did her thing, and my revenge! Here, even now again! Listen, this door will not understand! Or will stop hit me or they will break your head, hey, is a bony and nut!
What can I say, not as I believe maybe it is true. Having regard to bash unawares, I echo the gourd. But such, wiry, like a tin pot. Blah-n-n-n! I wonder if they have done me no wrong are the necessary ingredients and sheet iron I came in a little. To you ever call me that I simply can ...
Even when I was still student, the feast of All Saints I was disguised as a box of tuna. Since then started to call me Ken, a lap-tinned.
I guess you empty your head is good. Not bend to think. They just know things. But only wonder how it happens. Assuming that my head will not mind, and it is completely empty as hard mother to please explain to me how I know what to say and what to say. Ah! I got it! Lord spoke to me over! So you will be! Elected am!
Imagine now how all my relatives and friends will fall smireni kneeling in front of me, like go to Sunday worship. Горките грешници ще прострат ръце към мен, навели глави, аз ще мина покрай тях и ще ги благословя и опростя всичките им грехове към мен, а Господ ще ми говори както обикновено.
Хаха, бас хващам, че Дъстин от съседната на нас къща ще почервенее от яд.
Това ще бъде моят триумф, защото никой досега не ме взима насериозно. Пък друго е да ти говори сила свише, знаеш какво да кажеш, как да го кажеш…
Дрън-н-н-н!
Добре де, мили Боже, поне направи така, че да не ме боли толкова главата като се удрям!
Човекът е едно уникално същество. Всичко у него е свързвано с емоция. Колкото и да не ни се иска да го приемем, зависим от собствените си усещания, мисли, емоционални състояния. Състоянието ни зависи от това дали се чувстваме добре или зле.
Чрез емоциите си изразяваме своето отношение към това, което ни заобикаля и реагираме на средата, в която се намираме. Ако се чувстваме нещастни – за това трябва да виним единствено себе си, че си позволяваме да се чувстваме по този начин. Ако сме щастливи – запитайте се какво поражда това състояние у вас. По принцип хората са склонни много прагматично да разделят света на две половини – на добра и на лоша. Съдим по същия начин – или бяло, или черно. Настроенията – или си щастлив, или си нещастен. Или весел, или си тъжен. Върху това противоречие е изграден целият свят. Всяко едно нещо си контрастира със своя антипод. Всяко едно нещо на тази земя си има своя противовес – ин & ян, любов – омраза, хоризонтал-вертикал, мъдрост – глупост, младост – старост, добро - зло. Всяко едно нещо се състои от градивен и деструктивен елемент. Така е било винаги и така ще продължава и да бъде. Много грешим, когато се опитваме да омаловажим „половинката” на това едно цяло, без значение коя от двете – дали бялата или черната.
Всъщност даже и не осъзнаваме, че носим между двата вечни полюса на оста живот-смърт. И през цялото това време се бъхтим да разберем кое от двете неща е по-стойностно и се опитваме да живеем по правила, които смятаме за правилни според тези ни разбирания. А всъщност отново се люшкаме между нюансите на двата основни избора – Да или Не, За или Против, Правилно или Неправилно, Красиво или Грозно… Избор. Постоянно правим избор относно една от двете половини на съставляващото цяло.
Та, за противоречия си говорехме… А стигнахме ли до консенсус? 
Добро утро на всички. Тaзи сутрин е много хубава сутрин, нищо,че е студено и духа вятър. Приближаващата зима все повече се усеща.
Днес когато станах знаeх, че денят ми ще бъде супер. И аз ще се постарая във всяко едно отношение да е такъв. И знаете ли, ще се опитам всеки един мой ден да е такъв. И ще бъде. Защото така го искам.
Денят ви ще бъде такъв, какъвто го пожелаете. Добре дошло, мое радостно утро
Та на темата… Да убиеш присмехулник.
Много от вас сигурно са изпитвали усещането как в себе си събират огромно количество яд, негативизъм, озлобление…Душата започва да ги стяга, чувстват се нешастни… Всичко е заради това, че задържат това усешане в себе си, а не го освободят и да се отърват от него. По-добре е въобще да не изпитваме такова усещане, де, но все пак сме хора и реагираме според заобикалящата ни среда.
Та… искам да ви разкажа за нещо, което се случи с мен снощи. Но ще започна с това първо колко е добре да освобождаваме натрупания отрицателен емоционален заряд в себе си, ако искаме да живеем щастливо.
Така… Имах неприятен разговор с майка ми вчера. При всеки друг случай, иначе, затварях отрицателните си емоции в едно кътче в себе си, затварях се в стаята си и злобеех наум, противен ми беше целия свят, противно и беше собственото ми съществуване. Обаче ми се случи да гледам нешо,което изцяло преобърна житейската ми философия. Обърна ми се и начина на мислене. Реших, че трябва и ще бъда един шастлив човек, независимо какво ми се случва.
Та от този разговор естествено негативизмът просто се разлисти отново в мен. Исках да направя нещо, да се възпротивя на това усещане, ескалирало в мен толкова бързо и толкова много. Знаех, че нещо трябва да се случи, иначе щях да експлоадирам. Бях недоволна и потисната. И разрешението дойде.
За пръв път в живота си освободих гнева. Освободих напрежението, яростта. Но не ги насочих към близките си, както правех обикновено. Адски е погрешно това да се случва, защото е вярно,че хората, които обичаме, нараняваме най-много, а те не го заслужават. Та какво се случи с моите?
Може би катализатор на тази набираща скорост вълна от гняв в мен беше чашата бира. Няма значение. Живея в близост до едно училище и всяко междучасие подрастващите си организират събиране под терасата ни. Няма смисъл да казвам колко е неприятно и дразнещо до ушите ти да стигат викове, хихикания, тъпизми, простотии…Някакси го изтрайвах. Обаче снощи към репертоара се добави и озвучение. Малките повърхностни изродчета си бяха взели пиратки, които гърмяха точно под малкия паркинг под южната ни тераса.
Слушах какафонията в продължение на 10 минути, и никой от блока не излизаше да им направи забележка. Гърмяха си на воля. Човек съм и имам нужда от спокойствие вечер, а ми писна от изпълнения. Усетих как всичко в мен се напряга и ме обзема едно огромно мощно желание да прекратя всичко това. Излезнах на терасата. Долу се бяха събрали към 13-14 моммичета и момчета. Голяма групичка си беше. И точно под терасата. В момента, в който излязох, гръмнаха още една пиратка.
Полудях. такъв бяс не съм изпитвала никога. Без да се замисля, решението дойде от само себе си и толкова намясто и толкова удовлетворително хубаво! Втурнах се към другата тоалетна в апартамента ни, а там майка ми държи кофата на моп-а. Не знаех, че си мърморя на глас. Майка ми усети, че ще направя нещо ненормално и тръгна след мен, неразбирайки. Взех кофата. Отидох в кухнята и отворих крана на чешмата. Гледах как съдът се пълни с вода и задоволството ми растеше с всеки милиметър, с който се пълнеше той. Когато беше готов, я взех и се запътих към терасата. Майка ми - след мен. По-късно тя ми сподели, че не е вярвала, че бих я използвала. Тя не дойде с мен навън.
Излезнах и оставих съда до краката си. Долу тиййнейджърите още повече се лигавиха и пищяха. Майка ми после ми сподели, че от такива събирания две от саксиите й с цветя, които висят от външната страна на парапета, постоянноо ги чупят. Отворих уста. Не знам откъде ми дойде тази сила в гласа. Просто изревах, ако не се пръснат до 2 секунди от там, да се приготвят за студена баня. На което, както знаете, се реагира по съответно ненормалния лигав начин - започнаха да се смеят, дюдюкаха, имитираха… Не вярваха, че би им се случило. Причерня ми. Просто се наведох, взех кофата в ръцете си, издигнах я на нивото на парапета и я засилих. Не съм се чувствала по-удовлетворена в този момент, по-завършена, по-щастлива. В онзи момент, като на забавен каданс видях как водата плисва върху групичката идиотчета под терасата. Последвалият мокър звук при омокрянето беше музика за ушите ми. Обзе ме еуфория, която ме накра да искам да пищя от удоволствие, от екстаз. Всичко лошо, всичко негативно, събрано до този момент от тази вечер, се изля заедно с пръските вода, върху разюзданата тайфа под прозорците ми.
Ругаеха. Псуваха, недоволни и мокри. Облегнах се на парапета и ги загледах самоотвержено и доволно как набързо си тръгват. Изпратих ги с поглед. След 5 минути се чу друг гърмеж, но зад съседния блок.
Бях доволна. И много щастлива. Бях намерила отдушник.Знам, че бях малко крайна, но съм бурен човек и реагирам спонтанно. И знаете ли, винаги търсете начин, ако може, да не ви се налага да търсите такава алтернатива. Нямам предвид всеки път, щом се ядосате, да дебнете съседите си докато се прибират, и да изливате вода върху главите им. Просто се научете да живеете шастливо. И наистина ще се почувствате добре. Както се чувствам аз тази сутрин - в мига, в който стъпалата ми докосната паркета след като се изправих в леглото, си казах, че дент ми ще бъде страхотен. Слънцето не закъсня да освети стаята ми. В момента даже ми свети през завесите на прозореца.
Просто си го пожелайте. Наистина става реалност!
