Write me a story. Write to me beautiful…
Write it to me tender. Write to me the world you see…
Write to me the colors that your eyes reflect.
Write to me about the unspoken words.
Write to me about your wind,
that carries you on its white and bright wings.
Write to me about the sunlight,
that shines through the hair curls.
Write to me about the morning mist,
that moistures the na?ve lips
Write to me about all drops of rain that you will cry.
Write to me about all the times you’ll make me laugh.
Write to me about all songs we’ll not sing.
Write to me about our common shining memories.
Write to me about all dances which we’ll not dance.
Write to me about all your fantasies.
Write to me about all sunsets we’ll not see.
Write to me about the time,
that will carry us through the waves of our lives.
Write to me about all flowers you’ll tear and bring
over to spread all over me.
Write to me about the tiredness of our feet
after we’d have walked our afternoon picknick.
Write me a story.. Just write to me beautiful…
Write it to me tender. Write to me the world you see,
and all the colors that your soul will reflect.
Write me a story…

There’s a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch and
It’s bringing me out the dark
Finally I can see you crystal clear
Go ahead and sell me out
And I’ll lay your ship bare

See how I’ll leave with every piece of you
Don’t underestimate the things that I will do
There’s a fire starting in my heart
Reaching a fever pitch
And it’s bringing me out the dark

The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can’t help feeling

We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside of your hand
And you played it to the beat

Baby, I have no story to be told
But I’ve heard one on you
And I’m gonna make your head burn
Think of me in the depths of your despair
Making a home down there
As mine sure won’t be shared

The scars of your love remind me of us
They keep me thinking that we almost had it all
The scars of your love, they leave me breathless
I can’t help feeling

We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside of your hand
But you played it to the beat

We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside of your hand
But you played it with your beating

Throw your soul through every open door
Count your blessings to find what you look for
Turned my sorrow into treasured gold
You pay me back in kind
And reap just what you sow

We could have had it all
We could have had it all
It all, it all it all

We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside of your hand
And you played it to the beat

We could have had it all
Rolling in the deep
You had my heart inside of your hand
But you played it
You played it
You played it
You played it
To the beat

Plenty of roads are leading me there
where you’re coming from.
And some day, in this big world
will I ever meet you at all?
I don’t know if you have been here before…

Chorus:
I need to know today,
I need to know where you are.
I need to know now,
I need to know where you are.

No, don’t say “never”
and some day we’ll be together.
We cannot walk alone forever,
just meeting in each other’s dreams.
I need you to be here,
I already need to know what’s the distance between us.
I don’t know if you’ve been here before…

Chorus:…

No, don’t say “never”
and some day we’ll be together.
You don’t know me, but I love you, and I walk towards you.
And I will not stop, I will prove it,
I am waiting for you, I am waiting for you.

Chorus:…

When I come home, I’m lost. What is this damn place that I call “home”? As if I ever had a “home” somewhere.
When I come home, I need my friends. Who the hell I am calling “friends”? Those, based on the casual meetings, based on the casual contacts, keeping distance? Those, who are never there to listen?
Then I have my world shut for everybody, capturing only myself inside.
Then I run away. Then I hide and seek solitude, a place where I could stay aside with my thoughts.
It’s difficult because this started to happen quite often already.
I am shutting down more often than I expected.
I am alone here, and I have nobody to talk to.
And if I want to talk, what would I speak out? Could all these feelings and conditions be literally spoken out? Only by wording? I am full with words. But from my mouth does not fall down even a single sound. I am screaming inside my head with silence. Stuffed with silent, thick, salty, tender, bitter, passionate, comforting and hurting inside words. They are like thorns. Stuck in my inner flesh, drilling holes in the sensitive surface, making it bleed.
I am scared to talk about it. It’s a very delicate situation, where I’m asking and answering questions myself.
Nothing is in order inside me. I found peace. Recently I really did. I thought I have found peace. This peace then I threw myself away.
By asking to stay away. I know that I had to do this. I had no other choice.
Nothing more is allowed, and I started to loose myself. I had no other choice. I had to throw it away. That was the better case. But why I am not so convinced? Why , instead of feeling better, I am feeling worse? Why the weight of the day is day by day heavier? Wasn’t it supposed to relief this burden away? It’s pressing my shoulders double now. And it makes me shut down. It makes me gloomy.
It makes me scream inside, voiceless.
Voiceless, because nobody could help me. I chose this way. And all I am in now, is the cause of this.
I rode the wave. I rode it so high, and so good. I rode the power of the sea.
The tide crashed me down. The wave filled my ears and nose with sand.
The wave crashed me in the sand and bruised my body. The current will sweep me away, dragging me in the salty, chilling water, where my wounds will smash me with agony.
But I deserve this. Because I knew I wouldn’t have what I want. And, it made me certain that I would not have it. What have I got?
I’m showing to the world my shitty happy mask, something that would guarantee its comfort and happy survival. I used to be happy. I used to be different. I didn’t need to put a mask.
I had to save myself.
I’m living in my inner world, where I shut the doors and close the windows, where my candles burn with the light of all my memories and experiences, where I think with the strength of my heart and breathe with the illusion of what I need.

And I am afraid to reach out my hand, and take it. I am a coward. Supposedly, I have to modify it. But I don’t want. And I don’t want to put an end to it.
I am an idiot.

“The rule of the TME Idiot”

A student goes to the teacher with a definite intention.
He wants something.
He says he wants it with his whole heart and his whole existence.
He dreams about it during the days, dreams about it during the nights.
And because his wish is causing him so big pain, he asks for help.
- What shall I do?- he asks the teacher.
The teacher offers him a specific sequence of actions: the rule of the TME Idiot.

Where does it start from?
The first letter – of TME – T, means the following:
You want something?
Take it!
Take what you wish.
Stretch your hands to it!
What do you look for?
“The love of this woman…This house…This job…”
Take it!
Do everything possible to achieve it.
Put your life at risk, follow your wish.

The student stands silent and after a while he says that it’s impossible.
That he has tried everything, but he couldn’t do it, and that nobody ever could.
It is impossible to take what he wants.
The teacher trusts him, because sometimes these things happen.
-What does the rule say?- asks the student. – What’s next?
The teacher explains:
The rule of the TME says, that after T follows M.

You cannot take what you want?
You’ve done everything possible, and it has turned out that it really is unachievable?
And it says:
if you cannot Take it, Modify it!
Replace what you wanted, with something else!
“This woman does not love me…”
Well, let some other woman loves you!
“The other does not love me, either.”
Look for a new one!
Find a sailor!
Take a dog!

-It doesn’t work. – says the student.
This, what I want, cannot be modified.
Because there is not a second one like this woman…
Because there is not a second one like this house…
What should I do, Teacher?
What does the third part of the rule advise?

The Teacher says: T, M and E…
End!

You cannot take what you want?
Pity.
You cannot modify it?
Bad.
Now put an End!

- A, no… – says the student.
This I cannot do, I don’t want this.
It’s impossible…
How come it is “impossible”?
You cannot take it… You cannot modify it…
Put an end on it!
-No, teacher.
I will never be able to let it go!
Ahhhh.
The teacher thinks.

He cannot Take it.
He is not able to Modify it.
And he doesn’t want to put an End…
There is nothing left to say to the student.
With the help of the rule, the teacher has figured out:
his student
is an idiot!

Sentir em nos / Even for us,
Sentir em nos / even for us
Ulma razao / there’s a reason,
Para nao ficarmos sos / that keeps us here.
E nesse abraco forte / And if you hold me tight
Sentir o mar / I’ll cry, and I’ll cry
Na nossa voz, / until I’d let
Chorar como quem sonha / myself go and
Sempre navegar / moisture you with my tears,
Nas velas rubras / the tears
deste amor / of my love.
Ao onge a barca / A man lost his hart
louca perde o / in that street
norte.

Amore mio / My love
Si nun ce stess’o mare e tu / If the sea and you were not here
Nun ce stesse manch’io / I wouldn’t be here either.
Amore mio / My love,
L’amore esiste quanno nuje / Love exists when
Stamme vicino a Dio / we are close to God
Amore / My love

No teu alhar / Somewhere for us
Um espelho de agua / There’s another world
A vida a navegar / that’ll never separate us.
Por entre sonho e a magoa / And without ever saying goodbye
Sem um adeus sequer. / I’ll leave this place
E namsamente, / and you’ll be gone;
Talvez no mar, / And that’s why
Eu veita em / we’ll never be apart;
espuma encontre / nothing
o sol do teu olhar, / will take
Voga ao de leve, meu amor / our love away, my love.
Ao longe a barca nua / A man finds his heart
a lodo o pano. / in that street.

Amore mio / My love
Si nun ce stess’o mare e tu / If the sea and you were not here
Nun ce stesse manch’io / I wouldn’t be here either.
Amore mio / My love,
L’amore esiste quanno nuje / Love exists when
Stamme vicino a Dio / we are close to God
Amore / My love

Shut your eyes and think of somewhere
Somewhere cold and caked in snow
By the fire we break the quiet
Learn to wear each other well

And when the worrying starts to hurt
and the world feels like graves of dirt
Just close your eyes until
you can imagine this place, yeah, our secret space at will

Shut your eyes, I spin the big chair
And you’ll feel dizzy, light, and free
And falling gently on the cushion
You can come and sing to me

And when the worrying starts to hurt
and the world feels like graves of dirt
Just close your eyes until
you can imagine this place, yeah, our secret space at will

(Shut your eyes [x4])

Shut your eyes and sing to me (Shut your eyes and sing to me) [x4]

Cool.
I like the way the day is sprinting.
I’m barely catching breath. I like when I cannot breathe of tasks.
I’m entering to record MoM today and it will take me one hour to complete the meeting.

Today I am distributing correspondence to the main departments like hell, this is what I call an info-track. I’m happy I could access what I need whenever I need it.
And, I still cannot believe that my colleagues still keep me busy with Maritza Issues. Today for example, I had to track invoices for three companies for the last one year. Hah, it’s funny how people think that when being relocated to a new project, I will still be able to answer regarding old issues, and even send scans.
Thank god that I have archived the mailbox. And that I have kept the main registers a copy of all the info.

Damn, I need a bath. A long, hot, foamy, aroma herbal bath. I need to lay in my bathtube and completely relax. I need to feel my muscles relax and my body becomes light in the water.
I will light the candles tonight. All my candles, and will spread them around. The room will be warmly enlightened tonight.
I will activate my fragrance oil lamp to evaporate the lovely vanilla smell.
And I will play my SPA relaxing music. I intend to spend hours in the bath-tube. I need to get lost in the aromatic foam. To loosen my nerves and stretch my tiptoes. To empty my head. To forget all sh*t, all troubles, all stress…..

I dream of this moment. I foretaste a nice, quiet, romantic candlelight evening with a glass of my favorite wine.

I can’t wait to dive in the pleasure.

Just once to reach home…

Slowly, he yawned and wondered whether to fuck some other time. However, no commitments have been promised today. Johny turned the flank and his thoughts flowed lazily like waterlogged river.
More than a month passed since he was looking for a job. Whether from laziness or deliberation, or because of insufficient demand, the young man could not fit in any job description.
“Hm, my mother well said to take a time to finish higher,” he thought. “But no, empty loser, wasting time on carp at the age of 22!”
So he had walked several times a brigade overseas, but the prospect of pulling tear lettuce and potatoes didn’t seem much satisfactory to him. Johny dreamed to see himself in office, kitted out in costume and his feet on the desk, to give instructions to his staff and blissfully sip a glass of aged whiskey. This dream of his warmed him up so much, that he almost dozed off again with bliss. As if in a trance, he heard the phone ringing.

“Oh, The Electrical company … Shall I go up … ” – he questioned himself. But his laziness prevailed, and he remained under the warm blanket. The room was cold enough to expose his body to the sudden temperature change. After a few shrill pings the device stood silent. Johny sank again.
“Here, all my friends got a career… Bobby runs a carwash, Dan is in his own real estate business, Emily became tour agent … People work..And I, one job I can not keep … Tomorrow I’m going to have my electricity paid… ”

Indeed, Johny had stuck as a momentum that he did not know what day of the week is, nor what date, and the calendar in the living room sat a certain position for quite a good time. Electricity had to be paid couple of weeks ago, and four days ago the electrical power company called him for unpaid bills. In the apartment where he lived, it was absolutely cold for three days already. Johny did not seem to be impressed as he was going to bed early, sleeping late and darkness in general did not particularly annoy him. However, bathing with cold water was not quite alluring him. Yesterday the water was almost cold and his nose run when he came out of the bathroom.
“That will make me sick” – he sniffed and wrapped tightly in the towel.

To live without electricity had several advantages. First, he was living without this ever-increasing tariff per kilowatt / hour. The bills, which Johny was paying during the month, increased by around 7-8 EUR. Second, it was not bothering him that he did not have a TV. He was still having the small radio in the living room, running on batteries. Johny was running it each day about an hour. The batteries were new, and he was economically saving, they would last a week or two. Third, it’s true that he had to hand wash and with cold water, but what was different from the times when he was a student at Ruse years ago?

On the table a few slices of bread were drying out, some pieces of salad and two pieces of grilled meat. The beer in the two-liter bottle was no longer safe to drink, warm and without bubbles. “And I must go to the shop…” – his head dropped, – “Thank God, at least the phone bill is still good.” – he had to pay it back until the middle of the next month.

And he was running short on money. After paying the electricity bill, the water and filling the fridge, there would have remained something like 300 eur to survive the month. And there was no work available yet. There was no revenue. Willy-nilly 3 weeks ago he launched a lottery. He had never won even a coin, but occasionally played. “Who knows, maybe someday the sun will shine upon me!” – Jokingly, he thought-and-drop slip. Lucky-number withdrawals he often missed because he did not know when exactly they were communicated on the radio. “If they were ever announced…”
Johny couldn’t have known, but that ringing phone, which he deliberately missed, came from the office of the Lottery. Numbers released some time ago, were all his. The prize was pending expiring of waiting, but he could not have a guess.
“Well, a loser is a loser” he sighed again, alas himself more tightly in the eiderdowns and sank back to the sleep again.

Naked.
I’m standing in front of you naked.
I tremble alone
and I don’t fear;
I tremble alone
in the cold
of our words.

Come, come on!
Dare to dare!
Come and take
your heart back to you if you can.
Come, if you dare,
come,
or is it so painful?
Or have you turned ice?

Naked…
I’m walking towards you naked,
Immortal,
and cold.
Come, and dare to offer me

your glass, full of bitterness.
I will drink it completely
and I will go drunk
by the madness I shared;
because of it, was the reason,

that you, fool, were following me.